I am a huge mystery to myself. Not one of those cute little puzzles you pick up at the toy store either. I often feel like a frustrated convoluted maze, its hedges overgrown and its pathways lost in shadow.
Honesty, now that’s an interesting concept. How can you be honest when you don’t know where the truth lies? Sometimes I feel every aspect of me is deceitful, even those I present to my self. Honesty, who looks into themselves and sees the humanity within? And I’m not talking about the sweet giving humanitarian side. Humanity, the dark ugly messy kind, the steaming pile of entrails kind. The pettiness, the suspicion, the envy. I lay myself open and gingerly toe my psyche and think, ‘I am not a good person’. I don’t think I’m Evil, not the horns and forked tail mysterious super villain kind of evil, but I’m not good either. I’m incredibly, depressingly infinitesimal. I am an infinitely immeasurably small person. And that makes me sad.
In other news I’m back in school and rubbing shoulders with all those eager shiny faced peers I left behind a few months ago. It can grate on one’s nerves a bit. Also I just had a birthday which always makes things look particularly overcast.
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4 comments:
happy belated birthday :)
mine is in a couple of weeks and I am NOT looking forward to it :P
I think we can tend to be overcritical of ourselves and I honestly do not think you are as bad as you think you are... I can't tell that from your writing at least. :)
let me know if you ever want to grab a cup of coffee or something :) my wisdom is bountiful and depthless :P (not to toot my own horn or anything..)
Happy b-day
hey snow don't knock your self down, we all have are dark sides it's part of being human. but in truth we must dive into our selfs to even to the darkest regions of our souls to over come our faults.
oh and do think about taking krispy up on her offer, sometime just talking something out with someone who'll listen will shed a brighter light on every thing
Happy Birthday my gloomy doomy friend...Keep up the word wizardry and do it more often it's a dry place out here without fuel like yours :)
Thank you all for the Birthday wishes, and more importantly for the concern.
I'm good really, just have taste for the melodramatic.
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